Rednecks and Religion:

You Know Your Church Is Redneck if...

• The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.

• When they learn that Jesus fed 5000 people with two fish, folks ask whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.

• When the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," five guys and two women stand up.

• Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.

• A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of." (Love it!)

• The choir is known as the "OK Chorale".

• In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.

• Baptism is referred to as "branding".

• High notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling.

• People think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.

• The baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized washtub.

• The choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's Barbecue.

• The collection plates are really hub caps from a '56 Chevy.

• Instead of a bell, you are called to service by a duck call.

• The minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks.

• The communion wine is Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink".

• "Thou shalt not covet" applies to hunting dogs, too.

• The final words of the benediction are, "Y'all come back now!! Ya Hear?"
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Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.