10 Hillbilly Tips and tricks:

1. You Might Be A Hillbilly If If You See A Sign That Says 'Say No To Crack' And It Reminds You To Pull Your Jeans Up.
2. Hillbilly Church Tip: It's Considered Tacky To Take A Cooler To Church.
3. Hillbilly Theatre Etiquette: Refrain From Talking To Characters On The Screen. Tests Have Proven They Can't Hear You.
4. Hillbilly Driving Tip: When Sending Your Wife Down The Road With A Gas Can, It Is Impolite To Ask Her To Bring Back A Beer.
5. You Might Be A Hillbilly If You Have Been Married 3 Times And Still Have The Same In-laws.
6. You Might Be A Hillbilly If You Think That 'Genital' Is A Non-Jewish Person.
7. Hillbilly Fine Dining Tip: Don't Let The Dawg Eat At The Table No Matter How Good His Manners Are!
8. Hillbilly Wedding Tip: Kissing The Bride For More Than 5 Seconds May Get You Shot.
9. You Might Be A Hillbilly If Your House Has More Miles On It Then Your Car.
10. You Might Be A Hillbilly If You Think 'Impotent' Means That You Are Distinguished And Well-Known.

BTW, have you ever wondered if you are a hillbilly?  Ever know a hillbilly?  Learn more about them when you take our Hillbilly Challenge!

Why are hillbilly family reunions so cheap?

Well, when yer dad is yer uncle and yer mom is yer aunt . . .
 

Young fellah shows up at his Daddy's house early on the morning after his wedding, to the consternation of his family:

"Son, . . . what are ye adoin' here . . . whurz that pretty little gal a yourn?"

(Sobbing) "Daddy . . . she was . . . she was a . . . she was a VIRGIN, Daddy ! ! ! "

"Son, ya done the right thing, effen she ain't good enough fer her own kin . . . "
 

Visit beautiful West Virginia--three million citizens, 12 surnames . . .

Q: What's the difference between a hillbilly wedding and a hillbilly funeral?
A: There's one less drunk at the funeral.

Q: How do you get a hillbilly out of a bathtub?
A: Throw in a bar of soap.

Q: How do you tell the bride at a hillbilly wedding?
A: She's wearing the cleanest shirt.

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Q: How do you circumcize a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister in the chin.

Q: What does a 13 year old girl from Tennessee say after sex?
A: " Git offa me, daddy, you're crunching my cigarettes!

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A reporter asked this hillbilly what he thought about the presidents civil rights bill. He answered: "If he owes it, I reckon he should pay it."

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You know how to make hillbilly chicken soap? You start by stealing a couple of chickens...

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A hillbilly came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Al, somebody just stole your pickup truck." Al said, "Did you see who it was?" The hillbilly replied, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number!"

During a recent hot spell in Atlanta a hillbilly collapsed on the street. Immediately a crowd gathered and began offering suggestions.

"Give the poor man a drink of whiskey," a little old lady said.

"Give him some air," a man cried out.

"Give him some whiskey," she cried again.

Several other suggestions were made and the victim suddenly sat up and hollered, "Will all of you shut up and listen to the little old lady?"

In the mountains of Tennessee there is a gaunt hillbilly who is still untouched by the complexities of modern economics. He depends on the nearby river and forest for his fish and meat, grows a few vegetables, and drinks spring water. A neighbor visited him recently and urged him to wise up, move to a city and get a job in a factory that was paying high wages.

"You ain't getting anywhere just staying here where you was born, doin' nothin'," the neighbor said.

"Ain't gettin' nowhere?" the hillbilly exclaimed. "I wouldn't say that! When my pappy died and left me, I didn't have nothin'. But look at me now. I got nine dogs!"

Missouri and Arkansas - it's a toss-up